Today was Sam's first OT appointment. As I mentioned yesterday, I was a bit anxious. I even found myself waking up a number of times during the night. Don't get me wrong, I KNOW that Sam is OK. He is developing beautifully. He is smart. He is funny. He has so much personality its a little sick. But still, I was worried. My mind was racing with a bunch of what ifs. What if this was the start of something? What if all of Sam's issue were now going to start showing up. What if he was going to have huge challenges ahead.
None of this was rational - I know.
And yet - there I was at 3 am running through all these what ifs in my head. I have been strong for a long time now. While I lay in trendelenberg trying to hold Sam in, I stayed strong and positive. For 95 days, as I sat in the NICU watching over my son, I stayed positive. For the past 20(ish) months, as Sam has blossomed, I have stayed positive. I call my son the Anti-Preemie for goodness sake! Even with all that positivity, lurking in the background is fear and anxiety. I am terrified that at some point something is going to happen to remind me that I really did give birth to a 24 weeker.
So, yesterday, I channeled all of that fear and anxiety into this one little OT appointment.
I am here to tell you.... it went great. Yes, Sam needs some help with his fine motor skills. As the OT put it, he is very aware of what he wants and needs to do, but just not quite able to do it. She also told me, that if Sam were not a preemie, these delays would not be noticed or concerning. In fact, they would just be viewed as normal "every baby develops differently" delays.
But, Sam is a former preemie. Because of that, we are evaluated often. So, for the next 12 weeks, we will go to OT and work on Sam's fine motor skills. I was given the option of not bringing him back, but now that OT is no longer scary, my only thought is why wouldn't I?