Wow.  6 months have passed since Sam was born.  It is so hard to believe.  In one way, this has been the longest 6 months of my life, and in another it has gone by so fast.  I can't believe that just 6 months ago I was lying in Room 8 of L&D, enduring my 6th day of trendelenburg and watching nurse Beth's face seeing the concern and knowing that I was going to have my baby- ready or not. Most of that day is a total blur for me.  There are bits and pieces that I remember:

• Beth's care as she watched over me
• The fear of what was happening
• The relief that I would no longer be in pain (trust me, trendelenburg SUCKS!)
• The joy in knowing Peter, my mom, Stephanie and Mike were there with me and I was not alone
• The comfort in seeing Irene before my dad took her away... and the relief that she was with her Yayo
• Passing out in the OR when they sat me up for the first time in 6 days
• The shock from the doctor at Sam's size
• The driving fear that he would not make it

I don't really remember seeing him or touching him that first day.  I know from pictures that I was able to see in him the OR and that Peter was texting me pictures ever 5 minutes so I would know he was OK.  I also know they wheeled me up to see him in the NICU- but I don't really remember any of it.

The next day when they put me in the wheelchair and took me to see Sam is just gone.  I have no memory of that first visit to the NICU.  I don't really remember the second day.  Its not until day 3 when I was finally able to hold my little man that I start to have memories.  I do know that first time he was placed into my arms that I was filled with so much love it hurt.  I think it was at that moment that I knew he would be OK.

Now I sit here while my 13 pound chubby monkey naps in his crib reflecting on the past 6 months as tears roll down my cheeks.  Tears I have not released in months.  Some of the tears out of pain for what we (all of us) have been through.  Some of the tears are of joy for where we are.  Whatever the tears are, it feel good to let them out.  I am sure there are more to come, but for now... these will do.

Happy 6 month birthday my dear sweet boy!